Francois Fenelon

For the past weeks I have included a quote from Francois Fenelon as a signature on all my e-mails. It reads as follows: "Be persuaded, timid soul, that He has loved you too much ever to
cease loving you.". Thanks to a member of the Barthian milieu group (Yahoo) for drawing my attention to this quote.

So, I decided to wiki old Francois. The following story fascinates me:

"When he was Almoner to Louis XIV his majesty was astonished one Sunday to find, instead of the usual crowded congregation, only himself and his attendants, the priest, and the other officers of the chapel. "What is the meaning of this?" asked the king; the prelate answered: "I caused it to be given out, that your majesty did not attend chapel to-day, in order that you might see, who came here to worship God, and who to flatter the King.""

My prayer this week is for all Christians, myself included, that our worship and service may be sincere and pleasing to God.

Thérèse of Lisieux

Therese of Lisieux is not well known, but the impact of her sincere struggle with her faith has shaped the way both Catholics and Protestants approach the topic of faith and gratitude.

Therese became a nun at a very young age, with the sole motivation of becoming holy. She did not only want to be holy, she wanted to be the most holy. She thought that the convent would provide a sanctuary where this distinct gift would find fulfillment. Very soon she realized that spiritual growth is dependent on grace. The more she tried to become holy, the further away she moved from holiness. The picture she drew of spiritual growth in the convent was that of a person climbing a staircase. It demanded effort, hard work and discipline.

She simply felt too weak for such a journey. If holiness depended on the amount of effort she put in, she would certainly not achieve it. Then they invented the elevator, and this discovery helped Therese in understanding grace. An elevator fetches people. The strong and the weak are all carried to their destination. So, God's grace also acts in a way that demands less of the individual, meaning that even the weakest in faith can experience the uplifting power of God's love. God's grace to all is therefore the "mechanism" that promotes spiritual growth.

Theresa continued on her spiritual journey, surrendering more and more of her life to the grace of God. She wrote an autobiography, translated into English as "Story of a Soul", which became her profound contribution to written theology. She died at the age of 24 from Tuberculosis.

Thanks to those at the Theological Society of South Africa for their insights and Dr Willem Nicol for his presentation.

22 January - Matthew's other birthday

Three years ago we were waiting patiently in a hospital waiting room. Matthew was being operated on at only 4 months old. The doctors swapped his aorta and pulmonary arteries and closed holes in the septum between the ventricles and atria. Matthew suffered heart-failure and needed this operation to save his life. I remember pacing the ward for the whole 8 hours. Natalie and other family were doing the same. Very little was spoken that day. I nevertheless remember thinking "Where will we be 3 years from now?". That question really got me going for hours - sifting through all the possibilities.

Well, here we are! Matt is healthy and strong! At 3 he is building 100-piece puzzles and after completing them, breaks them up and rebuilds them with the pieces facing down! He is well mannered, sensitive and appreciative of all things. Where Nathan is our little Rastafarian (see earlier post), I suppose Matt is our little Buddhist. (just joking for those who take offense).

We thank God today for our boys and their health. We give thanks for Dr. Colyn at UNITAS, who looked after Matt at all hours of the day. She remains a very good friend and Matt's favourite doctor. We give thanks for Prof. Kinsley, Drs Dansky, Mamorare and Colsen, whom through their work give support, comfort, hope and joy to many families. We give thanks to all the nursing staff who always had time to listen and provide a shoulder to cry on. Thanks God.

Right of admission reserved

I have been asked to do a wedding. The bride is a member of my church, while her husband to be is Catholic. When we met for our first interview, they expressed the wish for me to share the service with his priest. The wedding will take place in our Methodist Church. They also asked to share in the Sacrament of Holy Communion - symbolic of their first meal together.

I already anticipated difficulty in conveying these wishes to the priest. I met him this morning and had a delightful conversation, until we spoke about Communion. The priest made it quite clear that he would have difficulty in sharing in a service where Holy Communion is involved, as it would be celebrated outside a Catholic Church. I was surpised, but at the same time, not really. I know the Catholic view on Nuptual Mass, Mass per se. I respect it, but I am hurt by it.

I am hurt by the fact that the Sacrament of grace cannot find its place outside a specific environment. I am hurt by the lack of recognition that God calls all different kinds of people to minister in God's Church. I am hurt for the couple's sake, for they have to make the decision whether to forsake Communion or ask the Priest not to partake.

When the Table is closed, it is not just the Table that is unaccessible. It leads to more things. It leads to bruised relationships, disappointment and an atmosphere of caution, rather than celebration.

I pray for wisdom. And healing.

Homeland Security

A friend bought me this t-shirt. Hope you see the picture ok, otherwise go to www.tribalsovereigntees.com

Finding places

We start by looking at two of the three most beautiful people. Mainly, because I don't know how to move the photo so that I can write above it.

I any case...

I love going to Spier whenever in Cape Town. It is one of the most beautiful and peaceful places that I have ever visited. There are so many places in the Cape to visit, that if one compares it to Gauteng, it is no wonder that up here we are so busy and stressed while folk from the Cape seem a lot more relaxed.

That was until Sunday. We were invited to go to the Irene farm to have some lunch. To my surprise I found that this place had the same atmosphere as Spier. Open space, people eating, kids playing... bliss.

We have probably driven past Irene farm a million times, never bothering to go inside and take a look. Obviously some great meditation-material here. It made me think about the tendency in rushed living to miss the places of serenity and peace. In our rush, it is easy to slip past the "entrances" to being peaceful, content, the place where one can just "be". Perhaps our names should be changed from "human beings" to "human doings" as an author suggests.

This year, my aim is to be happy with where I am and what I've got. My life is fulfilled only if I accept it as such. To live this way, I believe, makes it easier to go into the places of sanctuary and to be at peace.

Here are some more photos of our time at Irene Farm.

A new year with all kinds of challenges!

Hi friends! Happy New Year!

I haven't posted for quite some time. Reason being that I have taken December and called it "Finish Your Doctorate-month". I am pleased to announce that, after hours and hours of labour, I have given birth to something new. It is a girl. Just joking. Hours and hours of labour is true. I feel that this work is something new. I would like to think of it as a little girl, but the pages are too close together to tell for sure.

This festive-season has nevertheless been a special time in our family-life. Matthew is growing and really enjoyed this Christmas. His wisdom and compassion astounds me. Natalie told him the other day to say "Thank you" whenever somebody gave him a gift. Not that we had to teach him, for he has been doing this for a long time now. It was just a reminder. She also told him about many other boys and girls that won't be getting presents over Christmas.

I didn't know about the second part until last week. Matt's new toys were lying all over the place. Walking-in from my study, with my mind buzzing with Barth's ecclesiological rhetoric, I almost slipped on this pile of toys. Frustrated, I looked at Matt and said: "In one minute I am going to take a plastic bag. I am going to take all toys that I find lying around and I am going to give them to other children!" OK, I know it wasn't the best thing to say. He calmly looked at me and said "Hey, what a good idea!" He then fetched a bag, put the toys inside, handed it to me and said "Thanks papa for taking the toys to the children". Ouch.

Who was taught a lesson? Who needs Barth when you have little 3 year olds?

Let's move on, before I fall into a state of guilt again.

Nathan is growing well. He is gaining about 300g per week, so now weighing 4.5kg. He is still a very quiet baby and laughs whenever he sees me. It must be my nose. Thanks Oupa Goewies!

Natalie is a beautiful as ever and celebrates every day as she is able to fit into her old clothes again. Nathan is sucking her dry! She will start work again in the second term, so she has a lot of time to relax, look after Nathan and make me coffee. He-he

Things are well with me. I can't wait to submit the final bound copies of my thesis! This must happen before the end of February. Until then, I will add a little here and there. It is truly a Christian thesis as the Lord is adding to its number (of pages) every day. I will also be completing my 3rd year Psychology courses and hopefully enroll for the Masters by about June.

Blessings to all and hope that 2007 treats you well.

Nathan 1 month old!

Nathan turned a month old on the 14th. It totally passed us by! Sorry Nathan. Happy mini-birthday, old chap.

Nathan is putting on a lot of weight! He now weighs 3.75kg, meaning that he has gained over a kilogram since birth! Who could blame him? His food comes in such nice containers!

I am convinced that he is not going to be a Christian, but rather a Rastafarian. He is TOTALLY laid-back and I can almost image him with a zol between the fingers. Hence, I have renamed him "Bob" (Marley). He sleeps for about 4 hours, wakes up, looks at the world, laughs, drinks, messes in his nappy and falls asleep again. He doesn't cry, but just lets us know that he needs more food. Sometimes we forget he is even there.

Matthew loves his brother to bits. He is the first to greet him in the morning, the last to say "Goodnight".

We are truly blessed!

God-complex

I know many ministers and pastors. Let us call all of them ministers for now. I am a minister myself, so what I am about to say, although generalised, speaks to me as well. I know many ministers for whom what I am about to describe is not true, but are people devout in their faith and whom I deeply respect and admire.

I am struck, listening to many colleagues (and others on TBN), how responsible ministers feel to convince people about God and the Christian faith. Before reading further, stop now and think about it for a while. My question to them is WHY?

The focus on this point is not so much the message that is declared, but the manner in which ministers tend to take responsibility for their hearers and measure their own effectiveness in ministry in numerical terms. A good service can therefore be described in terms of a good numerical response to an altar-call, the amount of tears shed during a moving sermon or prayer, even the size of a congregation.

The way many ministers take personal responsibility for the entrenching of God’s Spirit in the lives of the faithful is done to such an extent that it gives the impression that the opportunity they have been given to testify to their congregations is the only time God is able to speak to that person or group. It implies that God does not speak to the individual or congregation or society at any other point than when the minister flaps his/her gums from a nicely designed wooden- or Perspex pulpit. This is further amplified in ministers’ lack of being able to facilitate counselling sessions. Many of these events are not opportunities for people to discover their own path for recovery, but are made recipients of another sermon, or hear “What happened to me on-the-other-hand…” quickly followed by an invitation to the surrender their lives to the Lord. It is not surprising, as in my own ministerial training we had two 3-hour sessions “teaching” us how to counsel.

My question is this: I wonder if there is a common psychological profile that can be drawn up of ministers? Perhaps that will be the basis of my Psych-masters – studying ministers? It seems quite possible to me that many ministers find a natural place for control and power in the church as they recognize their own histories being riddled by a lack of control or power. This place of religious conviction and the ability and opportunity to address and influence other people then becomes so strong that no external reality to that of the institutional church is recognized or deemed to be acceptable. Prof Wessel Stoker suggested something to the same effect in his book “Is vragen naar zin vragen naar God?” – an excellent and easy-reading book and also available in English.

Does God really only speak through ministers? Further, does God only speak through ministers’ sermons and teaching? What we tend to forget is that even proclamation is a subjective and anthropocentric approach to give testimony concerning a God who is not confined to the limitations of our dimensions. Is it not arrogance to verbally declare that a specific theology or understanding of God is the full comprehension of all truth? For this reason, I struggle to listen to the convicted sermons of many, and am careful in what I say to my congregations. If ministers were the sole custodians of the declaration of the Word, then we should see much more “conversions” at Synods, Conferences, Circuit Quarterly meetings… but we don’t.

My mother is a lay-person who did not know about the two creation-narratives in Genesis until I pointed it out to her. She nevertheless acted as an instrument of God’s self-disclosure to me as a person. Not that God revealed Godself through her, but the awareness of God’s self-revelation in Jesus Christ was clear in her presence and testimony.

What is impressive is not how many people a person has “won” for the Kingdom, but how “few” people were lost to the Kingdom because of that person. You catch my drift? So what if, for example, either Benny Hinn or John Wesley is responsible for 100 000 commitments at one crusade, but puts millions off from even considering Christianity when listening to that same message? Sorry for comparing Benny Hinn to John Wesley. So, I am not impressed by names such as Webb, Graham or whatever. I may know of a few, or even many who have come to faith through their testimonies, but that is all that I’ll know.

What fascinates me is how responsible many ministers/pastors feel for a particular individual’s soul, when their primary message to the world is that a human being is unable to affect salvation, but that it is an act of grace from God. Ironic.

Do I then believe that ministry is obsolete and that ministers all need therapy. Answer: “No”, and “It wouldn’t hurt”. Ministry is an essential function. It builds community. It creates opportunities for people to be humane, and where they are already humane, even more so.

This is what I believe. I believe in God. I believe that God reveals. I believe that people are convicted of this self-revelation by the power of the Spirit. I believe that all Christians are called to testify to this act of revelation and salvation, verbally and/or non-verbally, but non-judgementally. It is God who reveals, God who convicts and God who saves, God who judges. It is the same God who revealed God-self to Abraham, Isaac and Moses before ministers and the church existed. The same God who revealed Godself through Jesus Christ and convicts through the power of the Spirit.

Then why is it that I hear ministers declaring their feelings of guilt of not taking a day off in order to be the presence of God to others? Can they not be the presence of God to others on their day off? Can it be because of a ministerial God-complex? A powerless childhood? Can ministers allow God to speak for Godself and therefore not having to parade an “answer to all situations”?

I would like to work myself out of a job, so to speak, where people can trust their own encounters with God without feeling the need for it to be validated by a person with a clerical title.

Just some mind-wandering.

Words

A short lesson from a devotional book I'm reading (Thanks Pete, it is great!):

A man walked next to the shore and found a crowd gathered close to the water. As he drew closer he saw a man in a self-made boat getting ready to row across the ocean. As he was preparing, the crowd tried to persuade him to abort his attempt. "You will never make it in that boat!", "You will burn in the sun!", "You don't have enough food" were some of the comments made. As he set off, this man ran to the water's edge, yelling "Go for it! You can make it! We are proud of you". As he turned back the crowd stood silent. They asked him "Do you seriously believe that he can make it?". He responded "I don't know, but when he is in trouble I hope that he will remember my words and not yours!".

Words have the power to motivate or to discourage. Choose your words carefully, especially as we enter this Christmas season.

On a lighter note...

We went to the Lionpark outside Krugersdorp. Here Matt and I are stroking a 3 month old lioness! What an amazing experience.

God is great! To look into the eyes of a lion while scrathing her tummy is something to behold! Just to think that we won't dare do the same to her in a year or two!

Blessingss to all as we start on the Advent journey, recognizing that the world indeed needs a saviour, but that the signs of the Kingdom are here in a little boy sitting without threat next to a lion.

Sorry for the outburst!

Apologies to God and all readers for my outburst.

God answered in the funeral service held today at the Krugersdorp-North Nederduits Herformde Kerk.

Ds. Fourie preached on Habakkuk 1 and the concluded with Habakkuk 3. If you have an Afrikaans Bible, you will find Habakkuk's complaints much better expressed than what is available in the NIV. (My opinion).

Oom George, rest in peace.

Crime Again!

I am sick of this! My wife's sister's father-in-law was killed in his house in Krugersdorp a couple of days ago.

Oom George was a wonderful man who always had a smile on his face, a joke to share and who loved his family more than anything else. He was killed a day after returning from holiday, a holiday that he enjoyed with his wife.

He probably surprised the robbers in his home, who then killed him with a hoe.

What mother's child can do such a violent thing?

This is now the second act of violent crime experienced by this family. The first was Jason, Natalie's cousin, who was shot while sleeping in his bed. They stole R3 and a broken cellphone.

Excuse me for not feeling to ministerial, but I wonder what the hell God is doing while this is taking place. A question of theodicy. Don't feel compelled to try and answer this.

Nathan - news

Tomorrow Nathan will be 2 weeks old.

He has settled in very nicely and is enjoying home. So far, he has given us more than enough opportunity to sleep. He feeds at about 10:30pm and then again at 4:00am and then every 3-4 hours.

Nathan is peaceful and does not cry much - only when he gets impatient (a trait he got from his mother).

Matthew has moved into the role of "big brother" very well. He is proud of his brother and wants to share everything from his yellow motorbike to Smarties with him. In the photo you can see the love.

Thanks for all the well-wishes and interest! We believe that with all the love shown to our boys, they will grow knowing the family that God created which extends beyond bloodlines!

Masks

Last Sunday we had Remebrance services at our church. We remembered those whom we are in relationship with, but who have parted from this life.

Our focus was on our method of remembering, or our lack thereof. So, using the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1, we remembered together about our remembering. It is so difficult to remember effectively sometimes,for we all have our Elkanah's, Penninah's and sometimes critical Eli's wanting to comment on how we should feel.

This poem by Chalres C. Finn proved to be helpful in creating a place where we allowed ourselves to feel what we feel:

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
By Charles C. Finn

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Hope you find it helpful too.

Nathan Daniel Bentley is here!

Nathan Daniel Bentley is here! He was born at 12:45, weighed 2.85kg.

Here is a pic of him shortly after birth.




Here is a proud dad!



Mommy and Son, happy together.



Here Nathan is sleeping.



Thanks for all the prayers!

Almost here!

Our baby boy is almost here. Natalie is scheduled for theatre at 12:30 on Tuesday the 14th November.

We are very excited about the little one's arrival, but a bit anxious at the same time. We ask for your prayers for health and a pleasant birth-experience.

We hope that Matthew and Little One (Name to be announced at his
birth) will grow up in a world that is tolerant, serious about peace and has the ability to love beyond the spectrum of faith and nationality.

Won't be blogging until next Tuesday. Got exams to write, baby to catch, dogs to feed, doors to open for strangers...

A positive experience

After writing on Tuesday, I quickly popped into MacDonalds for a hammy (To console my soul). On leaving the premises, I noticed a black guy heading for the door that I just pased through. Both his hands were full, so I quickly jumped to open the door for him.

Passing through, he looked my way and said "Thank you. I love the new South Africa. I now see you as a brother!".

Well, I didn't know what to say. In typical Dutchman style, I fumbled over my words, just to get the tail-end of "It's a pleasure" through to him. In retrospect, I should have given him a hug.

Just made me think that small things like opening a door for someone who's hands are full can affect the way in which we relate to each other.

Have you got a good story to share?

Another kind of sin

Job 38:1-7; 34-41
Hebrews 5:1-10
Mark 10:35-45


These were the lectionary readings for last Sunday. It speaks to me about the types of sin that we do not usually confess. Perhaps we don't because they do not fall in line with our understanding of sin.

Sin, to most, consists of actions, words, thoughts that are contrary to the nature and will of God. To be totally other to God's image is considered to be a place of fallenness. These passages do not speak of sin as being contrary to the image of God, but speaks of the places where we want to be like God too much.

Wanting to sit at His side.
James and John wanted to sit at his side. In other accounts it is their mother that puts forward this request. Sitting on the ruler's side meant a place of authority, a place where commands could be issued in the name of the "king" and to expect other subjects to obey on the weight of this authority. It is not surprising that Jesus responds with "You do not know what you are asking". Can anyone be in a place where they can speak on behalf of God, totally convinced that what they say or do is the absolute will of God? Extreme conservatives in the gay-debate are convinced that "God hates fags", while extreme liberals believe that "Jesus was a homo(sapiens)". It is a dangerous place, trying to speak on God's behalf. Perhaps this needs to be included in our prayers of confession, especially when our words cause unjust pain.

Wanting to tell God what to do.
In the story of Job, Job was frustrated with God and with life. "Why do the innocent suffer?" His frustration led to the point where he believed that he was able to see righteousness where God failed to do so. The natural response was to start telling God what to do and how to do it. A bit arrogant, we might think. So, in our arrogance, we pray that God must rid our society of crime, as if God stands idly by. We pray that God must heal gays and lesbians, as if God made a mistake and should form them in our (heterosexual) image. It raises a few questions. God responds to Job: "Who the hell do you think you are?" - paraphrase.

Wanting to be indespensible.
Perhaps God cannot do without me. Perhaps God would be stuck if I choose this career instead of that one, this spouse instead of that one. We have been caught up in the whole spin of predeterminism. Proving our loyalty to God through our actions, positions and status may be our way of holding on to the idea that if it weren't that way, the world would cease to exist. Guess what, God calls, we follow. See how this is written in Hebrews.

Some things to think about: My place before God, my place as a Christ-follower in society, my place as a person called by God to be a citizen of the Kingdom.

Bluebull country

It's a beautiful day in Pretoria. The Jacarandas are in full bloom, the Bulls are in the final, our congregation's Men's Fellowship braai-ed boerewors and ate it with pap-en-smoor at 8 this morning, talking rugby.

What a lovely day. Good luck Cheetahs!