Saturday, January 24, 2009

What a day

It's bad enough to go for a Vasectomy, but if things couldn't get worse...

I ended up next to a guy who fell asleep as soon as I arrived and continued to snore for the rest of the day. What was to be a rustige morning, became more displeasing as neither my remote nor TV worked. Hence, no cricket.

Then a nurse who looked like the stereotypical "nurse from hell" walked into my room with a razor in her hand. Helga von Schoonenshaven.

Excuse me, but nobody, but nobody, not even Jessica Alba is allowed near those boys with any sharp object!

Then they wheeled my in and put me under.

Near the end of the procedure I started coughing and choking, because my stomach fluid leaked through my faulty stomach-valve and into my lungs. So, the surgeon had to hurry the second half of the procedure and then wake me.

As soon as my oxygen saturation was up, they knocked me out again and I woke up 4 hours later with an oxygen mask on my face.

Now I'm home, and pretty sore, especially when I cough (to get rid of the rest of the acid) and particularly where the doc rushed the job.

Luckily I'm sensitive to meds, so I now sleep often and see interesting things all around me. Tomorrow's sermon will be worth recording!


Gus said...

I would pray for you - but I'm too busy laughing.

Go well!

Steven Jones said...

Bless you, Wessel - I've been there, done that, and cried on the T-shirt.

The main thing is that you've come through the ordeal without hearing the surgeon cry "oops". And surely, no matter how red-blooded a male one is, and no matter how gorgeous the nurse is who preps your "tender bits" for surgery, there is just NO WAY that ANYTHING biological is going to happen!

The upside is that the freedom from artificial birth control and the fear of unwanted pregnancy will do wonders for your love life (once the bruising has healed, of course), your male friends will regard you as a hero, and your female friends will think you are the most considerate man on God's great earth.

And don't worry about your sermon - your congregation will hopefully not notice your new "Billy the Kid" stance (unless the pulpit is one of those transparent types). Then again, the waddle to the door as you greet the departing congregation will give the game away...