Friday, January 23, 2009

Going to hospital

Today I'll be going into hospital for a Vasectomy. Not a topic for discussion? Well, I promise not to go into the details.

What has been fascinating to me, is the psychological journey I've had to travel during the past few days. Although Natalie and I did not make this decision lightly, I've bee surprised to see how I am currently dealing with the "finality" of the event. I've had to deal with questions of my manly-identity. The reality of our carnal-identity, as described by Freud, is very real. And so, I had to travel to a place where I know that I am more than my biological functions or desires. Then there is the question: "What will I do if something happens to my wife and/or children? Would I want to re-marry and/or have more children?". This was a tough one, but I realize that I cannot live with the "what if's" of life. I have to deal with "what is", and my family are doing well and I wish them no harm. Besides, I could never "replace" my children with others, should something happen. I am not proposing that these are good answers, but these are my answers to myself and I am able to walk into the hospital today knowing that we (Natalie and I) are ready.

This event has come at a difficult time. I have just finished writing exams and have slumped into "post-studying depression". What is there in life when you come home after work, and having done all the meaningful family-things, not having to study? Eish. Call me a sucker, but this is bad! Writing books, articles etc. is not quite the same. I remember the slump after my doctorate. I know others experience it too, so for those engaged in studies which absorb your life: Beware! Perhaps I'll do a study on post-doctoral depression for my Masters. No, I'll do it for my other PhD. I first want to study the psychological profile of religious ministers. I suspect that many ministers are in the ministry because they are overcompensating for something that lacked in their childhood. But more about this later.

1 comment:

Rock in the Grass (Pete Grassow) said...

thinking of you brother