Sunday, August 12, 2007

Same-sex relationships and getting lost.

Yesterday I led a workshop on Christians and same-sex relationships at Coronationville Methodist Church and received mixed reports. "Mixed reports" means it went well, because I refuse to tell people what to believe and understand the frustration of those who expect to be told what to believe.

But what a trip to get there, more so coming back. I borrowed my in-laws' GPS a toy which I have been eyeing for quite some time. It didn't quite work as I expected it to. The instructions told me that a voice would prompt me and all I needed to do was follow instructions. Simple enough, but life is never as simple as that. Getting to Jo'burg was fine, but then I had to snake my way through some suburbs. All of a sudden a voice spoke, saying "turn left", which I immediately did. The the voice spoke again, saying "recalculating". "Turn left" it said again, which I promptly did, only to hear again "recalculating". Something was not right, which means that something was going wrong, terribly wrong. Each time I turned, it would re-calculate. It must have been my fault, so I stopped, removed all excess wax from my ears, tied a ribbon to my left wrist and tried again. To no avail.

So I tried something more complex, I psychoanalyzed the voice. Thank heavens I am studying psychology, and thank heavens even more that I am doing Abnormal psychology this year. Step 1 in psychoanalysis: You cannot psychoanalyze an object, only a human being, and so I proceeded to give the voice a name: Suzie. Don't ask me why, but that was the first name that jumped to mind. And then it all dawned on me... I was listening to a lady giving directions. Directiongiving 101 explicitly states that... ok, let's not go down this road. Directiongiving 101.2 states that when a lady says "turn left", it never means "turn left", but means "turn left just now, once you are over that hill......there...far away, crossed two streams, swerved out 6 times to miss potholes, pedestrians and dead cows". It all made sense. I then proceeded to translate all of Suzie's instructions and got to Coronationville in no time and returned home in even less.

Thank you Suzie.

1 comment:

Rock in the Grass said...

the moral of the story is not to trust anything female for directions