Monday, March 16, 2009

Gutted Rhema leader not allowed to wrestle Jacob Zuma

This is from

JOHANNESBURG. Church leader Ray McCauley says he is devastated at not being allowed to wrestle ANC President Jacob Zuma during a campaign speech at his church on the weekend. According to McCauley's aides, he had thought Zuma had come to create a Biblical tableau in which Jacob wrestles an angel. "He assumed he was the angel," said an aide. "He's gutted."

McCauley, a former bodybuilder, had reportedly been working on a series of Biblically inspired wrestling grips in the mistaken belief that Zuma was coming to the Rhema church to wrestle rather than address his congregation.

"Pastor Ray just assumed there would be hand-to-hand combat," explained Rhema spokesman Herod Nyamende.

"Nobody thought Mr Zuma would be stupid enough to come here and campaign. I mean, can you say 'godless communists'?

"We can. In fact, we do. Very often."

He said that the "only logical conclusion left" had been that Zuma had come for a decisive showdown with McCauley to "re-enact Jacob's fight with the angel in Genesis 32, to prove which of them is a bigger stud".

"Pastor Ray was really psyched," said Nyamende. "He's been working on a killer series of moves.

"First he was going to go with And I Shall Smite Thee, which is a forceful laying of hands on the back of the neck, kind of in a chopping motion.

"Then he follows it up with Samson's Ass, where you grab your opponent's jawbone and try to pull it off. If that doesn't work then he slips into Way Down In Egypt Land, where you reach into his underpants with righteous vengeance, grab and twist.

"It was going to be awesome, and obviously Pastor Ray is gutted."

Meanwhile the ANC has apologized for the confusion, but added that McCauley's dreams of wrestling Zuma were "naïve".

"Pastor Ray is a fine man, mainly because he can bench-press more than any other religious leader in the world, including the Pope who can bench about 250 kilograms," said ANC spokesman Kickbax Tswete.

"But he is dreaming if he thinks he can wrestle Comrade Zuma successfully.

"There is no human being alive today who can pin down Comrade Zuma. Whatever you throw at him, he will wriggle free."

No comments: