Thursday, November 01, 2007

Barry Hilton on Stupidity

People should have to wear signs that just say, I'M DOF." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, nevermind. Didn't see your sign."

It's like before my boeta and I moved.. Our house was full of boxes and there was a Pickfords truck in our driveway.
My neighbor comes over and choons, "Hey, you moving?"
"Noooit bru. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign!"

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big whiting and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all those fish?" "Nooit cuzzi. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, alright, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a petrol station. The 'pomp jockey' walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he choons, "Tyre go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nooit Baba. I was driving around and those other three just swelled up on me. Here's your sign."

I was trying to sell my 'jammie' about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Jislaaik, that's hot!"
See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him!

I learned to drive a 18 wheeler in my days in the 'mag'. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning... ok.. no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked " your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself. I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back at him took my sign off and chooned, "No. I'm delivering a bridge. Here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and chooned, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

1 comment:

digitaldion (Dion Forster) said...

I love Barry Hilton! He must be one of the funniest people on the planet.

Thanks for the laugh!